Post Apocalyptic Story Intro

So, you know how most stories like this are all like, "In a post apocalyptic world, where humanity has forgotten what caused the destruction, chaos, and general mayhem of such and such, and now lives in the underbelly of the world, hoping to one day retake the surface from the mutants, zombies and monsters that now plague it"?

Yeah, Screw that, with a capital 'S'.

Humanity does remember what happened, and it sucked. After years of fighting, rising oil prices, and some other somesuch things that I can't be bothered to remember at this point in time. Eventually however, humanity eventually got to the point where we decided, LETS NUKE EVERYTHING!

And we did.

Those who could took shelter underground, those who can't, well, radiological sickness makes fools of us all. Eventually people who couldn't get to shelters or get the shots and such they needed, either turned into mutants,  cannibalistic in nature, or zombies. The mutants can be a bother sometimes, if they're fast. Most of the time they're a little bloated and bulky, but they're still a bother in large numbers. Same with the zombies, in large numbers, they flat-out suck.

Suck.

Anyways, I suppose I'm getting ahead of myself, I'm Leo Tre'louche. Yeah, funny last name, all the kids in elementary school thought so. Then the kids in high school who didn't like me called me Tres Deusche. But they sucked anyways, so its all good. I'm about twenty-three years old now, and I've been working to make a name for myself as a forager in the world of Surface Foragers. I know its not as glamorous as being a doctor, CEO, or some other important job, but it brings in good money if I can find clean booze to bring back. We can't have our shortage of wife and child-beaters now can we?

And what would we do without our homeless drunks?

I just don't know.

Oh yeah, you came in on my narrative while I was out on my latest foraging mission and I'm currently holed up on the second floor of a apartment building, while ravening zombies are banging at the door downstairs. Some of them are coherent enough to say words they remember from their life before they were turned, but its not 'brains' like the movies would have you think. Usually its names of close people, favorite toys, cars, actors, etc. Something memorable. I've been chased by a zombie yelling 'Chicken Wings!' while it stumbled after me. It's really odd.

Anyways, down there now are a few folks screaming their favorite curse words, so if you ever lived in a very shitty apartment complex, you understand how it is and how it doesn't really phase you even coming from a zomies destroyed voice box. Its just raspy-er.

Oh yeah! Escape. I should be working on escaping. Hmm, what would you do to escape this particular predicament?

Yeah.

Ok.

No, I don't think that the whole 'leap from the window, grab the clothesline, swing to the next building, then run across the rooftops to your predetermined escape hatch' will work in this particular scenario. At least you're thinking, I like that. Stick with me, I like thinkers. But seriously, what are we going to do?

Hey, hey, shhhushhuhsuhsuhshshshhhh. Loooook. No, not in the corner you silly person, there, on the street. Yeah, thats a half-naked lady.

What?

She's not that rotted.

And boobs are boobs.

Don't look at me like that. I don't get touched enough by females. Its not my fault that no one likes me cause I smell funny when I get back. I can't always get to a shower, plumbing isn't a thing anymore.

What?

Hey, don't judge me, don't. I'll leave you here!

Thats what I thought. Hey. Look down there again. No, I'm not talking about the half-naked chick. There. That looks like a propane tank on a grill. I could shoot it and blow it up, it would distract the zombies, and then I could make my escape! It's foolproof!

What? Of course I have a gun. You think that I would come out into the surface world without one?  Geez, silly person.

Why don't I shoot all of them in the face? Do you think I have the money to get that many bullets? Gawl, you're just making yourself a hassle. Ok, just relax, hold on and...

Ok, we need to leave.

Yeah, I shot the thing, didn't you hear the bang? The thing is though, uh, it kinda set off some flammable objects downstairs, and its going to start burning upwards towards us. And the smoke and noise will prolly just bring mutants and more zombies this way.

What do you mean I should have thought this through better? Perhaps you should just shut up. You weren't giving me any good ideas. Ok, lets go. Yes through the window, yes onto the clothesline. Yeah, I'm using your idea before I burn to death, shut up about it.

Well, see you down there I guess. You better follow, if you have another escape route, I'll be very cross with you.